Family and friends-
As I sit at home with Annalise sleeping in her rocker in front of me… my mind wanders. What if she had passed away in the first hour like the doctors predicted? What if, ten weeks ago, we would have gone into the hospital to not only welcome our first baby into the world, but send her off to her forever home? Would I have been okay?
I don’t know.
Would my mind have been filled with anger and questioning whether or not He could have healed her? Would I have been filled with curiosity as to why He didn’t?
I don’t know.
Honestly, I probably would have had those thoughts.
I’ve been thinking about how we as Christians want to have a definitive answer to everything. We want to be ready when someone asks us how we are dealing with loss or trials. But sometimes… the answer to those questions is “I don’t know”.
I’ve come to the conclusion that…We don’t need to feel like we have to have all the answers. We don’t need to fill those gaps when God can. God is perfectly capable of revealing Himself.
I’m sure I would have grieved the loss of what she would have been (and I am sure I will when the day comes- even now- when she goes “home”). (SIDE NOTE- I’ve been under the assumption that most people still wonder what the doctors predict about her life expectancy… The answer is we don’t know. They say that most babies with this diagnosis pass within the first year… either from some type of infection or from her body outgrowing her brain essentially. So we are living day to day and cherishing every moment we get with her!)
But we have hope for a reason. I know full well that I do not have to ever wait in vain. I fully believe that He is real and that He is in control. I believe in His promises. I believe He is working everything in my life (and yours) for good. I believe He is who He says He is. This leads me to believe that we are on this journey… Walking the path that leads to Him and her (when that time comes) for a reason. We are here to give Him glory through it all.
Knowing that she will never return to us (when she passes) but that one day, we will go to her is part of the reason we have hope in our Lord. We know that His promise of eternity is real. We are forever grateful for that.
We are also forever grateful that we have been able to spend the last TEN weeks with our girl. That’s right… We have hit double digits! There is nothing else to say but that we are incredibly blessed!
Annalise is still going strong and is definitely gaining a little momentum! ;p
On Monday, she weighed 9lbs and 2.5oz…. so the higher calorie intake is working! 🙂 Her cry is becoming even more pronounced AND she is starting to use it more! She is working her legs more and more and moving her arms around like crazy. She loves sticking her tongue out and absolutely LOVES looking at bright lights. I actually found a play mat/gym that lights up and plays music and she will lay under there forever just watching and listening. It’s adorable.
Yesterday (the 28th), we finally had our evaluation with Infant Toddler (the early intervention/developmental program we are trying to get Annalise into). Everything checked out and she will start seeing a therapist here in a couple weeks! 🙂 The ladies who came to evaluate were actually pretty impressed with how well Annalise is doing. Even though she is 10 weeks old, developmentally she is only a 5 week old baby since she was 5 weeks premature. Crazy to think that she is already doing a little bit more than what a normal 5 week old baby does! But why should I be surprised at that when I know who is in control over this whole situation?!?
Have I ever mentioned how great our God is?!? 🙂
We are so thankful and so blessed to have this little fighter in our lives.
I can only hope and pray that each of you who are reading this blog, find something meaningful out of it. I hope and pray that you realize that our God is greater than anything you are going through. He deserves all the glory and praise through every circumstance. He is faithful.
And as always… I will leave you with a bunch of the most recent pictures 🙂
Have a blessed rest of your week!